Maggie's first birfday and doctor irritations
Sorry I have been slack as of late with the posting. I get rather limited time on the internet, unfortunately, and I don't always feel like typing. However, it is now blissful naptime so I get a few minutes to myself. Maggie's birthday was very fun and her party was nice. We mostly sat outside on the deck and gabbed. Elizabeth (Maggie's almost 4 year old cousin) was so sweet to Maggie and plalyed with her. Here's the life of the party. 
So maybe the first birthday is really all about the parents. Who knows. Poor Maggie baked in the sun there and was extremely sweaty when she woke up. But she gamely went along with our silly antics and allowed us to make her wear a party hat, skeptically listened to us sing and dug into her cupcake. The tie dyed cupcakes turned out pretty good. The recipe for the icing caused me to end up with about 50 pounds of it leftover. I have no idea what I am going to do with it. It was mighty tasty though. It only called for 3 pounds of confectioners sugar so I can't imagine why it made so much.
Elizabeth helped Maggie open her presents because Maggie was having none of that unwrapping gifts stuff. She got some cool toys, cute clothes and a beautiful mosaic table for her room.
The wrapping paper was way more interesting than the actual packages. She conked out HARD that night. Last week was kind of off kilter with her schedule and she missed a lot of naps because we were running errands during her naptime and such. I am doing much better this week.
Maggie's visit to the doctor was yesterday. She, of course, fell asleep in the car on the 5 minute trip over there. She weighs 16 pounds 10 ounces and the doctor was kind of concerned about that. He said she was healthy but we have to go back in 6 weeks for a weight check. Hope they don't label her Failure to Thrive. The doctor wants me to switch her over to whole milk and take her off the bottle but you know what? I'm choosing not to listen to those suggestions. It seems to me like formula would help her to gain weight and she had her first solid foods only 3 weeks ago. That's a lot of changes to be throwing at a baby all at once. I poked around on some blogs and I read where several people kept their Chinese daughters on formula for a long time and gave them bottles well past their 1st birthdays to promote bonding. I'm also not wild about giving her milk. I don't know why because her formula is milk-based. The doctor also wanted to refer her to Early Intervention because of her "delay" in speech. All I could think was that 3 weeks ago, she was in an environment where only Chinese was spoken. Now she's in an environment where only English is spoken. Also, I feel like she is being rushed to grow up. We only met her 3 weeks ago! I'm not ready for her to grow up yet! We missed so much. I don't want to be rushing her on to the next thing. I want to be selfish and keep her a baby for a little longer. I was under the impression that this doctor had treated internationally adopted children before but now I'm not so sure. Readers, if you have adopted from China and have thoughts on our doctor visit, PLEASE comment or email me. Let me know what you think and whether you think I'm being too quick to judge. God, I hate finding doctors. I wish I could go to my gynecologist for everything because he rules. I picked him out of the phone book 10 years ago.
Well, we were going to go to the mall today but Maggie is running a fever and is CRANKY so I will postpone that trip until tomorrow. Oh yeah, she got some vaccinations yesterday too. Poor baby cried when they stuck her. She took a 2 1/2 hour nap yesterday, presumably because of the shots. We are going to meet Kimberly for blended mochas this afternoon though. Woo hoo! My mysterious caffeine stomach issue seems to have disappeared.
Check out these pictures of Miss Self Feeder. 
It's hard being a mom. I thought it would be super fun to get to stay home all day and play with the baby. I feel horribly guilty when I sometimes want to go back to work. It's hard to play with a baby who doesn't really know how to yet. I also feel guilty when I'm not talking to her all the time and stimulating her brain and stuff like that. Today I read about vaccines while I fed her lunch. And I feel guilty when I'm ready for her to take a nap so I can get a few minutes to myself. I tried having Maggie in the bathroom with me today while I showered. That did not go over so well. She pretty much screamed the entire time I was not holding her. She is such a sweet baby and I just love her so much. I want to be a really good mom for her. Sometimes I worry that I'm too selfish to be that.
11 comments:
Alison ~
Adjusting to parenthood is a hard thing for any new mom to do, and it was just you and your husband for so long, it's bound to take some time before it all comes together. Maggie has two parents that adore and love her - everything else WILL follow eventually!! Sending gentle hugs mama - my email is always open if you need to talk :) ~ Maureen
(Momto3Thatsme@aol.com)
Hi there. I got to your site via lawyerish.com, whose site I got to via dooce.com. I've really enjoyed reading about your adoption process and your trip. I have very close friends who traveled to China 9 years ago to adopt a beautiful little girl named Rachel. She was 14 months old when they returned from China. I don't know what they did as far as feeding and bottles, but as far as speech I know a little bit. They did not push her into any speech classes or therapy until elementary school age. She is now 10 years old and speaks perfect English and has no problems. She did speech classes through the school system for (I think) K-2nd grade.
The funniest thing was that most of Rachel's speech problems are the exact same speech problems you see in adult Chinese immigrants. It really makes you realize how much speech mapping develops even before babies utter a single intelligable word.
Maggie is a beautiful little girl and you and your husband are wonderful parents. From what I've read on here and about you from lawyerish, you are going to be a selfless and amazing mom. Best of luck with all your new and different adventures.
I'm sorry the doctor was sort of lame. Our pediatrician is not big on milk and actually recommends next-step formula until the baby is two years old (if you're not nursing, which obviously in this case you aren't).
As far as the adjustment to being a mother, you're doing *great*. It's totally natural that you'd be feeling all of these things having just brought a whole new person into your home. You'll get into a routine that works well for you and for her and some of the guilt will go away. There's always guilt associated with mothering, but at least you'll know you're doing the best job you can at it - and I can tell just by your blog that you ARE. Hugs!
Wow, apparently Mom Guilt arrives simultaneously with the baby!
Girl. You are a fabulous mother already, and you aren't selfish for needing a few minutes to yourself. You're human. The best thing you can do for Maggie is teach her that her mother is also a human being, not a robotic Stepford mom.
You've adjusted so well, better than you realize, and all of us out here admire you for it! This is kind of a huge change so don't put so much pressure on yourself about it.
And bravo for disregarding the doctor's assvice.
Have you read http://owlhaven.wordpress.com/ ? Mary adopted two kids from Korea and two from Ethiopia -- and added them to her previous four bio-kids. I think you might want to talk to her about the adoption experience. She's probably got tons of insight, and she's also very sweet. Regarding the mom guilt: It's hard not to sweat it, but you don't have to feel guilty for wanting some time to yourself. It's totally normal and acceptable. You're doing great! :-)
Allison, you are experiencing what every mother deals with, no matter how their baby came into their life. We're darned if we do, darned if we don't! Your love for Maggie is obvious to everyone who knows you, and especially obvious on the face of that beautiful baby. All of her needs are met, she's obviously stimulated,bright, and healthy! As far as attention to her, every mom has read a magazine during bathtime, wished for naptime, and looked past their playing kid to watch a little t.v. I know everyone is saying it, but you're normal and it's not wrong! Give yourself a break. :) Jane
Allison,
Our doctor was concerned about Audrey's weight also, 17lbs. He wants to keep her on formula for probably another year, and he has us adding 1/2 tablespoon vegetable oil per 2ounces of formula to her bottles to increase the calories and fat. I mentioned this to my neighbors who had a preemie 8yrs ago, and they said they also added veg. oil to her formula, funny I've never heard of this before. We go back tomorrow for a weight check, I think she's gained at least a pound in one week.
As far as feeling guilty, don't be hard on yourself, what person doesn't need some time for themselves. I think it's important to take care of yourself, drop the guilt and continue being the wonderful mom you are being.
As far as speech is concerned, I think it's slightly premature to be worrying about speech delays, heck, look at what they've been through!! Follow your gut on issues - you already know you don't want to take her off the bottle, I plan on keeping Audrey on for however long she's on formula probably. You're doing a great job and Maggie is a very lucky little girl
Elizabeth Aaron
Even though I have zero parenting experience, I was all ready to pump you up with praise, then I read the above 8 comments and read that you need no more of that, in fact, you might have some ego issues by the time you get down to my comment. Just remember Maggie isn't the only one adjusting here, so lay off yourself! Remember, now is the time for you to adjust to laying blame on David for everything HIS daughter does!!!
Speech Delays?! This pediatrician is a little "over cautious" we had one like that for a while but I got tired of constantly hearing what was wrong with my child so I switched! As far as formula - Whole Milk will actually give them more nutrients to grow rather than formula but we integrated it S-L-O-W-L-Y, like a sip a day, to two sips a day and up. Poor Maggie has already gone from the stuff they gave the kids to formula her little tummy can't handle another HUGE change. It is hard being a mommy especially when you are new at it, I wont tell you things will fall into place because you know they will but that isn't what you want to hear right now. But know that there are people who are praying for you and thinking of you three!
ALC, Sarah drank a lot of whole milk as a premie baby. Apparently lots of good fats, and she gained lots of weight! Of course that was 23 year ago. I always say trust your gut. You live with Maggie day in and day out; you know her...and the doctor, no matter how seemingly smart... isn't her mother - you are!
As for time for yourself and wanting go back to work...aren't self proclaimed about not liking change...no wonder you want to go back...work is familiar and none of this is...but you can totally do this! Can't wait to see you next week! Emily
Emily
Oh gosh - I hope you're feeling better after reading all these helpful comments... I can only echo all of the above - babies are overwhelming, give yourself a break, and take it one day at a time. As for the milk/formula debate - I'll defer to the wiser folks, but I, for one, am keeping our 13-month old on the bottle until he's 2 (with our drs blessing - only way he'll drink milk - and I love the cuddle time). You'll find your groove soon, enjoy your baby!!!!
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