My 4th grade diary

My parents are clearing all vestiges of me out of their house (kidding, Mom) so the last time they came up to see us, they brought my old desk from my bedroom.  The top of it is covered in signatures from various friends starting from about 7th grade on.  I wrote "I love _____" on it countless times.  My dad packed everything up that was in my desk and put it in 2 boxes for me to peruse at some point.  I decided that yesterday was a good time to start.  Mostly, I found a lot of junk that shouldn't have been kept in the first place but my diaries from 4th and 5th grades were in there.  Let me just preface this by saying that I had a very exciting life in fourth grade.  Right.  As I flipped through the pages of my Ramona Quimby diary, I was mostly embarrassed for myself because I was rather delusional throughout most of my 4th grade year.  

For example: "I really love B forever!  I wish I had M but who cares?  Now I have the best boyfriend in the world.  I am glad to have B as a boyfriend!  He is cute.  CT is going to ask him to go with me.  I hate CT sometimes."

Okay, this is wrong on several levels but mostly, it makes ZERO sense.  How could B have been my boyfriend if a girl was going to ask him to "go with" me?  Wha?  

Then, I had also written, "I'm really hoping next month will be when somebody wants to go with me such as AK."  OMG.  I was apparently rather boy crazy in the 4th grade.  I also wrote, "In February, I most want to remember the Valentine's Day party. I couldn't believe E gave me a Valentine.  I think he wants to go with me."  Uh, that would be a giant NO.  I cannot even begin to describe how much this kid E and I hated each other.  He was a horrible bully who tormented Meredith and me for as long as I could remember.

Later on in the year, I wrote, "I go with C.  I think he likes me."  Okay.  What did I not understand about "going with" someone?  So dumb.

And the final stab of embarrassment.  "We (Meredith and I) were spying tonight.  Was it fun!  I wrote about 3 pages.  I really have to make some business cards.  And a door sign."  Business cards.  BUSINESS CARDS.  Advertising what?  My spying prowess?

Even though the majority of this diary makes me utterly cringe with how LAME I was, I still wish I had written more in it.  I can hardly remember my desperate desire to have a boyfriend or the thrill of staying up until 12:30 with Meredith so we could sneak downstairs and "raid the kitchen."  Luckily, I have several diaries that I kept throughout middle school and high school that I can re-read and even on my worst days now, I can look back and be so glad I am right where I am today.