FAIL

I messed up and didn't post yesterday.  Oops.  I'm kind of tired of blogging anyway, plus David was playing Civilization and hogging the computer.  I got to watch "Twister" for the thousandth time instead.  I used to really like that movie but now?  It is very stupid.  

I am sitting upstairs on the loveseat in our bedroom while Maggie goes to sleep on our bed.  I think she has taken a nap in her bed about 5 times since we came home from China.  Oh, we had some miserable times after we got home when all she would do was scream and SCREAM when I put her in the crib.  Ooh, here's a picture of that!

By the time it was nap time, I would be desperate for a break and when I would put her in the crib and this is what she would do and she would not stop.  I have never really written about this but I struggled with some PAD (post adoption depression) after we got home.  I know.  It sounds really stupid.  Well, it does to me.  I can see post-partum depression because of all the hormones and such but when you adopt, no hormones.  Easy adjustment, right?  WRONG.  I had a super hard time being at home with Maggie.  She wouldn't let me out of her sight at all and we spent day after day sitting on the den floor with her in my lap.  I watched a lot of DVD's of TV shows.  David was coaching cross country then so he usually wouldn't get home until 6 and the days just stretched ahead of me with no end in sight.  I would sometimes have small panic attacks at the thought of trying to fill yet another day with activities.  I missed working and I missed my friends and I missed having something to do during the day.  I will freely admit that I thought we had made a horrible mistake in adopting Maggie.  Not because I didn't love her, because I loved her so much, but because I thought I couldn't be a good mom to her.  It was not a fun time.  I didn't realize until much later that I was really struggling.  I thought I was dealing with jet lag for a really long time and just figuring things out.  Finally, in the spring, I knew I needed to talk to someone.  Things weren't getting better, even after I went back to work.  There were some days when I didn't want to come home.  I started going to see a therapist and the situation improved greatly.  She helped me realize that my feelings were not unique and that I wasn't a bad person.  So, I guess in closing, if you think you are experiencing PAD type symptoms, talk to someone.  Don't let it go on as long as I did.   PAD is more common that you would believe, I think.

Wow, didn't see that post going in that direction.